Majestic Star, weekend, part one

1. Gary, Indiana is a sad, sad place. Drab, polluted, washed-out stinky hole of a waste land. Depressing.
2. Local casino turned out to be a time capsule of American blue-collar mid-west circa my first years here..the food , the hair, the denim..oh my. Reminded me of a bargain chain "Venture", even smelled like it, of plastic and vending machines..appropriately so, I must admit..a musty old ash-tray with glitter on top..
3. You know God is trying to stop you from going to a Casino when you get lost 3 times -- in gridlock, when GPS insists you go over a bridge thats been up in the air forever to let some endless gargo through..you then  hit a dead end with detour that takes you to projects where a big fat BLACK cat SLOWLY crosses the road as you break at the stop sign..In case you missed the first 10 cues..just so its clear.
4. You know you are in hell when you finally get there and your mother-in-law grabs you by the hand, sits your ass next to her at a penny slot machine and for an hour goes "here, darling, you push this button, when I tell ya.." And you're sober. On an upside, I have beeng promoted to a saint by her son..the things we do for love..
5. Lake Shore Drive on the way back never looked so good..

The Lake

Cats

comfort

Mid-day

Ran out of the office mid-day to get some air/run errands..Evanston brings the best in me in the worst way -- I loose track of time, sense of purpose, of present..I literally get lost. Maybe cause I only find myself in Evanston when I'm in love or in trouble, and I can't stand myself any other way..I went into Gap (granted, I'm the only person to have Gap-related sentiments) and suddenly acutely missed Him. For the first time since we split. It wasn't a regret of any kind, we're both happier where we are, it wasn't at all about happiness. This rugged softness and cleanliness and subtle scents of summer, linen, worn denim were all His. So I stood there for a while, alone, embracing this untimely, belated, begone memory. I didn't know why, why now, where this is taking me but I stopped on my tracks to think of him and breathe that familiar air of us together, in love, in this very Gap, ages ago. I even took a mens jean jacket and tried it on over nothing but a necklace remembering how I loved to wear his clothes. Then I hung it back up and marched right out, past the Bookman's alley, past the coffee shop..back to work.