Is it time I got me some happy pills ? I'm too easily depressed these days, and I can't do much about the stress and the lack of rest in my life, never mind a week of vacation, that bliss only last me a day back home..Both my parents take'em, maybe I'm doomed to never feel satisfied with my life..On the other side, maybe I should have another baby and just forget about myself already and live through my kids..I make cute babies, I'm up with one, might as well be up with two..and what else is left there for me alone ?? Great love ? Adventure ? Brilliant career ? Please...I'm in my mid 30-s, married for the 3rd time (I'm sure as hell not trying that again..), I've traveled the world, had a few amazing love affairs, and a few really bad ones..I turned 30 feeling like a kid and looking like a runway model -- all this is in the past now...I'm just another tired woman, my house is a mess, my mind is too. And love ? My husband once adored me like no other, he barely looks up when I come home now. Not that I have a lot to give back, anyway. I really am a "has been" in one too many ways. Just got to accept it and go from there..

It was awesome, I slept, I snorkeled, I swam with NURSE- sharks (of all creatures :))and got bitten by a barracuda, and I drank my share of Blue Margaritas and I missed the baby like crazy and I'm back.. at work and tired..and just discombabulated..need more caffeine NOW

4 days till vacation, can't wait to get there, snorkel my ass off and fall into a drunken stupor :)

I want to write it down before this wonderfully indulgent bliss fizzes all out and I'm back to my usual frazzled self..Another day I managed to steal 2 hours of me time and went to a spa for my usual "sanity-restoring" package -- an hour long massage and an hour long steam shower. Massage was nice, not great..but I hardly expect more from a massage these days, given that I've had my share of massage-related thrills :)..My mind kept jumping from errands to bits of conversation to last nights dream..I couldn't relax for a while, and I couldn't feel my body well enough to appreciate the touch. I eased into it towards the end, lulled by the music and darkness and warm hands gliding up and down my body. Half-asleep I got into the glass and stone steam shower and finally I wasn't thinking back or thinking ahead. I just wasn't thinking. I stood there soaking and swaying a little, finally and fully aware of myself, of every inch of me, feeling my head clear as I lean in and press my forehead to a fogged up glass, warm water running down my back. My mind on the standstill, I'm contemplating droplets on a tiled ceiling, softness of my oil-slicked arms as I embrace myself, wet steam streaming up beneath me..I lather up slowly, catching a glimpse of myself on a glass door, smiling..I am at peace.