OK, NWO, you pried it out of me ..on worst moments

I don't know about the worst, but here's a few really bad ones so far:
-I failed at the only thing I thought I was born to be -- a rich man's wife :) I had a nerve to want him to be NICE, too. Silly me
-I had a man take an explosive dump in MY CAR WHILE DRIVING me home in a bumper-to-bumper traffic. He had a fear of public restrooms..I had a fear of HIM since..
-I have a terrible allergy to MUSTARD and nearly died of anaphylaxis twice. Needless to say I live dangerously just by ordering out..
-I got a really bad perm in high school and was always seated next to a bald guy in class. We were teased mercilessly.
-I HAVE NOT SLEPT IN 2 YEARS. Can it get ANY worse ????

1978 drawing, "Nowhere road", SPB

words I find strangely comforting

-Continental breakfast
-Nanny
-Itinerary
-Cinema
-Patchy fog
-Ground control
-Marina
-Meringue
-Intermission
-Baby talk

For the record -- I have the most amazing, understanding and compassionate boss in the world. And no, I'm not just saying that in case she reads my blog :)))

10-20-30 virus

courtesy of Miss Mamma..
"What were you doing 10, 20 and 30 years ago?"

10 years ago I woke up from what seemed to have been a 5 year old coma, dropped 60 lbs in 6 months, dropped my first husband of 5 years, dyed my hair blond and got myself a brand new lover. Basically went through a very late teenage rebellion (I got it all backwards, at 15 I was a lot more mature and subdued than at 25)



20 years ago I was 15 and a timid fearful creature..I played the guitar and ditched school with my best friend. The days were super long and we never ran out of places to go. Amazingly, both made good grades. We "experimented", briefly, got scared of each others feelings and got boyfriends shortly :) We still write to each other.



30 years ago I was 5 and in a backyard gang, I was their fearless leader and we bullied bums an mean old cat ladies and dug for treasure in dumpsters. I jumped from the roof on a dare. Life has never been the same :)))

city kitty

Greece

Can't wait to go there with Boo, just look at that sea !..
And someday when I'm not just tired but old and tired and bored silly and my life is as pathetically cliche as a Pottery Barn catalogue I will sit back with my herbal tea and dream of all the places I've been too, and live vicariously through my girl who's gonna go everywhere I haven't gone..I shall start saving for her European tour now :)..

ice cream social at work..

Its beyond amuzing to watch surgeons and cardiologists that are filthy rich to trumple over each other for FREE ICE CREAM...

I walk through hidden SPB

Better than anything I'll ever say about it..

Boo is 2 !!!!

I don't really like change, nothing huge, anyway. But it so happens change just LOVES me..it inevitably finds me when I least expect, yanks me out of my comfy cushy dreamy denial and throws me back in the real world to face the music. TA DA. OK, then. I will do my best given what I got. I got trouble :) But I have a feeling I'll live. I didn't have that feeling just a month ago, I do now. I'll be ok. Back in the real world -- went for a fitness class, as I used to, this time a new girl was subing -- a tiny thing, half my size, but what a mean little booger ! Beware the angry little people -- men, especially, seem prone to fits of rage out of the blue.. That was one ass-kicking bootcamp -- everything hurts, still. I like this pain..makes me feel alive. But its no match for the bellydance classes -- that was as close as I'll ever come to my life-long dream -- to be in a bollywood movie :)))

Speak to me in riddles, speak to me in rhymes :)..
Odd to not be able to talk freely but I'll stay true to my word for now. Someone's been reading my blog, "sitting in my chair, eating my porridge", etc..someone uninvited..well, my dear intruder, I'm sorry to disappoint you but for quite some time ahead this space will be reduced to pics and random brain farts, you'll just have to wait your turn :)..Although it wouldn't be a huge deviation from my usual format :)))) What I won't do ever again is believe that people actually change. Once a psycho, always a psycho. One minute you're having tea and small talk together and the next they greet you in the shower with a butcher knife. Brr..

a place to go

Green's Zourbagan probably was a lot like Lisbon. I feel as though I've been there already..I simply must go and find out :)

places to go

There was these book I loved as a kid, about a girl waiting by the sea, in the fantasy city called Zourbagan, somehow Lisbon has the same feel..gotta go there !

a Fortress, bleeding

for Nina, with love

Toxic...
Yet touching.
Sweet smelling
poison,
so delicately bitter..
You knocked
on my door,
I let you in.
You took all
that
you could take in,
gave it a spin..
I let it go,
long time ago.
Can't live in peace ?
Sorry, I missed
my cue to talk
and not to talk back,
I'm such a wreck,
I just want to be,
You wanted nothing,
Nothing of me.
Two of a kind ?..
Hard to be kind
while falling apart
and severing ties.
I'm not very nice.
But I know
what I know.
No teaching
No preaching
No war
No more.
A piece of me
for a souvenir ?..
Of course !
All yours,
A bit of my soul
To go with new shawl,
Taxidermy's intoxicating,
That's some creative
Decorating !
You're a survivor.
You hold your own,
I taught you nothing.
I. Stand. Alone.

letting go

carson said...
i sit and stare and wonder where
i sit and sigh and wonder why
i sit and stare hoping things will change
i sit and stare and start to cry

I'm done. Soon to be free. I'm tired but calm. I feel good. I FEEL.

Nutrix Ghost over Paris...BOO !!!!