From work, a real winner

A birthday party for a resident turning 100. The whole family came for the occasion, BD cake, candles, balloons, nurses singing happy BD, the whole shabang. Grandma can't talk -- voice cord paralysis, so she writes her requests and such on a little clip board. Suddenly she starts leaning to the left..A nurse standing near props her up with a pillow. After a while she starts leaning ever so slowly to the right..the same caring nurse props her up with another pillow. Then she starts to look a little worried and leans forward..The nurse gets creative and ties her back strait with a blankey. Then her grandson comes by and asks "So, grandma, are they treating you nice here ?.." Grandma grabs a board and starts writing..In a minute the grandson is bent over with hysterical laughter -- the board says "NO. They won't let me fart !!"

can't sleep..

Nothing like cutting work short for hot, wet, dirty drunk monkey sex. Keeps me grounded..:) Endless meetings at work, spaced out thinking about his lips..his hands on me..I meet him 2 hours later at Sybaris and forget there's outside world..He is my world, and I am his, and what will I do if this ever ends...
Vanity Fair at Manor:
The other day at the office, I'm wearing my usual basic black..
"Your're just not a very colorful person.." -- this coming from a book-keeper in vampy make-up, fur-trimmed shoulder-baring sweater and a tight sequened skirt, with her gay side kick in a purple Armany X-change shirt and heavily moussed bangs..
No, I guess I'm not...:) Although I could go on to add that I'm wearing my pink lacy Vicky thong underneath...but I bet the Armani-maniac here's got the same pair on :)..

Random

1. Intra-office memo about upcoming X-mas Party: Please make sure that all residents are dressed in green and red.
2. Its rather hard to have a casual conversation when confronted with a huge erection. Lots of bad puns..
3. Scribbles in an elevator at manor: DISTURBIA. Now, that's just mean..I kinda like it here
4. Stopped by Whole Foods in Lakeview and had coffee in adjacent lobby of a "Gay, Lesbian, Trans-sexual and Trans-gender" Recreational Center. Nice place. Felt utterly plain, grabbed a hand-full of free condoms from a bowl on the way out then shopped at Brown Elephant across the street to feel better..Me and my thrift stores. But I'll never know what gay bingo is like..or trans-gender crafts..I imagine lots of tape's involved..and batteries..and leather scraps, perhaps..
5. A blood curdling scream out in a hallway: "NOBODY LOVES ME !!!" Ouch.
6. Try to explain a vibrator to a 3 year-old who just dug it out of your drawer and is giddily dragging it across the floor by the cord (don't ask..)
7. Mom, I wanna go to "Chucky Jesus" !!!
8. Our nanny scared shitless by a toy pony that went off by itself at 3 am. Locked it in a closet but it just kept on going.."I'm a little pony..tram-tararam.."
9. I am perpetually torn between feeling lonely and wanting to be left alone. No peace.
10. Listening to Kill Bill soundtrack in gridlock and craving a nice classy massacre

trick or treat !

Birthday Girl. We're 3 !

Два дня из жизни, 10 лет спустя..

Вчерашний вечер был бесконечен и удивителен и перешел в утро как то почти без ночи..Концерт Земфиры был говно, НО: сам факт Земфиры и узнаваемости старых текстов даже в очень, очень плохом звуке был все же приятен. Придя рука об руку с Любимым сначала наткнулась на стройные ряды друзей и родственников его бывшей жены которые рассматривали меня так навязчиво что я в конце концов отошла на самое видное место и покрутилась чтобы уж точно все разглядели и запомнили. Любимый был невозмутим и горд и отстояв долгую очередь в бар вынес оттуда нечто такой убойной крепости что сразу стало жарко. А потом еще жарче когда напротив меня вдруг оказался мой бывший муж.. Коперникус для меня место роковое. 10 лет назад я познакомилась там с ним на сборном концерте..Аукцион, кажется, и Агата Кристи..Я пришла тогда с приятелем который был там и вчера, но вчера мы не пересеклись..Самое забавное то что как и 10 лет назад, вчера я была во всем черном и с кем то, а он весь в джинсе и один. Как продолжение прерванного сюжета но с другим концом. Он стоял рядом с общим старым знакомым -- тот увидев меня помахал рукой и я подошла поздороваться о чем тут же пожалела -- к великому смущению общего знакомца мне пошленько нахамили в ответ на просто привет и улыбку. Я посмотрела напоследок как нервно потеет и бледнеет этот нелепо одетый, узкоплечий капризный мальчик, не в тему но с удовольствием отметила на себе с десяток восторженных мужских глаз, и услышав Его голос, Его, ищущего меня в этой толпе, поняла что счастлива. Бесконечно счастлива тем что нашла наконец Его. И что дал мне Бог уйти живой и здоровой от этой рептилии..А потом был концерт, побег с концерта, долгие поцелуи в подворотне, опять концерт..знакомые, и гуляние по городу с полуночным заходом в любимый дайнер и сладкое забытье где то под утро в его руках, дома..Я наконец-то дома.

Fridays odds and ends..

-Walked into a bathroom and nearly hit a huge tower of blue and white balloons..I'm talking eye-level, on the run, not even looking up..20-some balloons. In the bathroom. Allright...
-Halloween decorations went up in dementia floor today. Now that's just cruel. They're scared shitless of their own shadows and voices in their heads, but no, lets put spider webbs and severed digits and decaying corpses everywhere..PAR-TY !!! Seriously, picture a grim ripper holding a sign -- "Don't laugh -- you're next" (hanging in the dining room..) and another one above the back door -- "CEMETERY (we've missed you !). C-mon, THAT is not funny. What IS Halloween for the half-dead ?..Home coming ?..:)

Existential

Little Things That Bring Me Joy
Please share with me whoever so desires..:)
There goes..In no order whatsoever...
1. Waking up every morning. Seriously. Its a miracle.
2. Watching old cartoons with my daughter
3. Sex.
4. Biting into an apple
5. A little prayer a blind lady parked in w/c by my office says each time I sneeze.
6. Buying gifts
7. Getting drunk in good company
9. Tarantino movies
10. Long kisses
11. Talking up strangers
12. High platform heels with hot pants
13. Sweat from exertion
14. Sheer flattery
15. Spooning. Sleep. Touching while asleep.
16. Being in love
17. Sunflowers
18. Selective memory, flashbacks
19. Friends that can stand me
20. Time alone

Good morning !..

on the run...

An old woman sits in a wheel chair outside my office. Quiet as a door nail, looks pretty much dead. All the sudden wakes up and yells out "OH MY GOD, I'M 90 YEARS OLD !!! A-A-A-A-AA-A-AAAAAAA !!!!!!!"
I was under the desk...:)))
I'm dying to blog but absolutely no time at home and a block at work..Besides, everytime a count my blessings outloud some bad shit happens..PS What does a girl with absolutely no time needs to add to her life ?..A huge party and a pet guiney pig !!! Both on the list.

aga..

Control: "Alpha Zulu 20, this object in the sky, did anyone have a look at it?"

Officer: "Yes, it's the moon. Over."

Will the real Slim Shady please stand up ?..:

Whoever is obsessively browsing my blog from Northbrook AllState Insurance...can I help you ?..:)))

blogosphere is full of surprises..hi, NWO :)

Wanted

Saw "Wanted". What a load of crap. But Angelina is just too beautiful..and that dragon on her back..fake, but impresssive :)

Hell, where's my riding boots and my smoking gun ?? :)))

Patient of mine said I looked like one of these chicks.Well, I know I'm not Farah :)))..

Blurred

I've been living up fantasies by the dozens lately. Dark ones, sweet/silly ones, all kinds..Its intoxicating. I'm seeing patients this morning, white lab coat on, quiet, gentle, calm..my lower back slightly burning from a brand new sprawling tattoo :)..it was just the way I always wanted it, plus a Johny Cash soundtrack as a final touch to what I had in mind, and a man I'm completely crazy about kissing me all the way through pain...That's one.
Fantasy #2: "Pretty woman", shopping spree, part 2. Loved it :)))
The rest are not for print :)

Just too cute, I'm sure I'm the last one to see it

Tarantino's Last Supper

Nika's first art project !!! Behold the psychedelic Frog

up and running

I'm back to life and feel like a manic hamster on a treadmill -- I'm always running off someplace now dragging boo with me..she's got a lot to say about that, my little chatter box :)..Leave it up to me to try a little change..a new love, new house, new car, new job, new hair. I haven't blogged in ages..I was too busy having the best sex of my life -- who needs sleep anymore :)..I have all this energy, more than I can handle..I'm loving this buzz !!!!!!

R.I.P., my favorite atheist..

Nika

in retrospective

напиши мне письмо,
я умею хранить только письма
я люблю слова
я слишком люблю слова..
послесловия, эпитафии,
и лирические отступления
и немного о главном
между строк и не в срок
но все таки..
я построю дом
из слов и снов
и зажгу в нем свет
стану ждать тебя в нем
день за днем..
но в конце концов
мой дом превратится в дым,
так было всегда,
я уйду от себя с другим,
и только потом,
из пепла и нескольких строк
я опять соберу одно..
напиши мне письмо,
и мы будем жить вечно.

I'm in love

March, SPB

There I go again..from bits and pieces.. from random shots and torn conversations and God knows what else that makes me think of you over and over..you appear as if you always were, with your reflections in black and white and a touch of blood oh so blue.. What to make of it but trouble..Trouble in your trembling voice, in a way you see right through me..I want to hide from you..and find you everywhere. I should have met you in Paris. I have a feeling you'd be all wrong for me and I'd love it..and that's what I need least, isn't it ?..always the case.

Lisbon tram

.

my space, work in progress

one can never have enough brownies, these are prune-filled, btw, not chocolate :)

my little snow bunny

Pieces of me

R.I.P.

Besides being a nurse (and I never saw that coming) I guess I'd make a pretty good..

..fitness instructor
..runway model (up to 5 years ago when nothing jiggled)
..dietician (I know my food well and know how to eat strategically :))
..restaurant critic
..columnist a la Carrie
..stuardess :)

anticipating Spring

random

No time for blogging..not much desire either..For once I'm socializing more, its refreshing :) I absolutely love crowds. Need them. Even if its a Saturday afternoon at a jam-packed Ikea :) Fuck the solitude. Had enough for years to come. That's why I so desperately miss the big city, its energy-- it sustained me. Oh, well, maybe when I retire...My place is covered with prints of SPB in all its gory glory, its quite dramatic..I keep renovating, re-inventing, re-defining my life. Veronika is amazing, I don't know what I did to deserve her. A 2 year old has a perfectly clear understanding of love, a 30 year old has no clue..

Morning

SPB, frozen, night shots..magic

Daddy's girl, loves to doodle :)

Misc..

Life has been happening to the max even in the dead of winter..I've got some of it back on track and the rest is up in the air and its ok. I'm blogging a lot less and working a lot more..but I do have fun :) Went to a rock concert a few days back, a russian band circa my college years..One of my all time faves..I HAD A BLAST. The concert hall was jam packed with russians of all ages and I mean ALL ages. Few fights broke out, as usual :) I LOVED the band, the crowd, the booze and the buzz..I met my ex at this very place..I just loved being there..loved what I was wearing (ridiculously pricey and flattering COH jeans..) and the looks I was getting..god, I missed this :) I danced my head off, in 4 inch heels, mind you..I was drenched. But I don't do this every day, so there :) PS I absolutely refuse to age gracefully. I refuse to age at all :) My vanity will keep me young forever :))) My home is almost all re-done, we're doing great with Boo on all fronts, my work is an absolute nightmare, my life is just beginning yet again..

I'll be back..thanks for staying tuned :)..

Dialogie

Him (bipolar schizophrenic dt-ing on ETOH and crack), wearing smoky shades in a dark room..
--I'm 3 tmes divorced, I have problems..
Me, close to the door, ativan suringe at hand..
--REALLY ?..ME TOO :)))
--I have problems..I drank for a week and..and..I have nightmares
--Aga..
--I hear voices telling me to kill all the bad people.
--Am I one of the bad people ?..
--No, You'll help me.
--Hmm..

Blah

As always when life gets too real I get a strong aversion to blogging..I'm beyond tired..worked 2 12-hr shifts in a row..crazy busy all weekend long..had to get groceries..came home to a flooded bathroom and a blue-in-the-face babysitter who jumped out the door BAREFOOT. Long night ahead with screams for milk and kicks in the groin. A phrase stuck in my head from earlier at work -- "your patient's asking for a silver bullet". I reply "ok, coming up" and go on doing 10 things at a time. WTF ???..:)))

Alma Mater.

SPB Engineering Academy

Belated..

Nutrix picks in real life :)))

Nutrix' Wish List..yeah, very original :)))

pretty pink robe..one cute little piglet, just showered

Odds and ends..

-Compliment from guy at work: "NO OFFENCE, but you're a beautiful girl..."
-The most surreal feeling -- driving in a murky blizzard in a death of Midwestern winter with Caribbean reggae on full blast.
-A 400 lbs psychotic patient with explosive diarrhea that just ripped out all his lines and is headed for the elevator, whaling and leaving a trail of blood and poop behind him..and little old me trying to dart his bloody ass with an elephant dose of Haldol..
-A teeny tiny Club Monaco skirt that is a perfect fit after all the crap I've been eating these holidays -- a nice surprise, now if I could only get my ass in it and to a nice party for once, maybe there'd be more nice surprises in store..maybe not..In any case, I should work less and get out more..
-My kid does yoga, and no one thought her
-I had the most mindblowing hot dream about an old flame..Again, I should get out more..:)))