"I want to be with you so bad right now.. To touch your lips, smell your skin, cuddle up to you under covers with a window open.. To kiss your eyes till they no longer burn me, till you're asleep and I feel your breath on my cheek....I am discovering you every day.. There are worlds in you I can't wait to get lost in.."
I wrote this to my now husband 2 years ago, we moved out to burbs and had a baby since, now we work different shifts, hardly spend any time together, barely sleep and almost never kiss, much less "touch, smell, or cuddle" ..We just manage to have sex without all this nonsense :) I vividly remember this anticipation of a life together, a culmination of a timultious affair that involved major "demolitions" of all sorts.. and what followed is such a blur, I often wish I could "rewind" back to those letters, that amazing connection we felt with each other. And its not that I'm unhappy or dissapointed, I just feel like the essense of "us" has changed before it even took shape, before I realized there will be days when we'll have nothing to say to each other..and that's ok. I still love him, I'm still fascinated at times at boldness and finnesse and sheer wisdom with which he lives this life..but I do miss that brief moment in time when we were as one..

stairway to heaven ?..

I'd call this "City of Thousand Statues"

(foto by D. Abezgauz)

I'm reading this little book about things from our past, its very "place-specific" to where I'm from, things that ended up in junk yards and thrift stores years ago and are forgotten now..its a very "tactile" book, brings back memories from when I was 5 or so, of elaborate wallpaper patterns, tea drunk from thin glasses and a wall-mounted radio that never shuts up, of scary glass-eyed fox in the armoar.. and messes and gossip of all sorts, when there were no chores, only adventures, and you made play out of everything, from doing dishes to buffing old wood floors, or whatever else your grandma needed you to do. Things seemed to be around forever and there was comfort in being surrounded by old sturdy furniture, rugs and china that have been in the family for years..I feel uprooted at times without this stuff in my life, part of me is gone with them.

my sweet baby boo :) wearing mashed pears and a smile :))

http://www.rickross.com/reference/dti/dtivisitor.html

I am so done with Dahn..its everything they say it is, and it sucks you in like hard drugs until you're spent and broke and basically insane.

Its amazing how easily 4 hours of relaxation and peace are shut to shit by a few chores and a cranky baby and no help at hand..God knows I try..I should have married an older WOMAN, it would all be much easier..Men are for pleasure only, women are for life :)
PS Today will be a good day, even if I have to kill someone for it. Smile :))

What do you do when the doc is more confused than a patient ?..A 90y/o grandma trips and falls at home and can't remember what pills she's on and greeted at the hospital by an old (and I mean OLD) loon in a skin-tight skimpy spandex td tee (!!!) looking like he just got off a float in a gay pride parade, who's not even sure why she's here..No wonder she doesn't believe she's at the hospital :)..

Well, darn it..just found out I'm missing a second chakra-- center of joy, happiness and creativity..In Dahn teaching the source for all those is in our tailbone which I no longer have since a freak fall accident....No wonder I can't stomach all those shiny happy people in my group :) Its official, I am forever doomed to hypochondria and mediocrity, who knew so much good comes out of your ass..I do feel all warm and fuzzy though..But alas, no joy :)

Snorkeling,
Curacao..
sheer bliss..
miss it

What a drag..so slow tonight, so quiet..suddenly I got all this time to just sit around and I can't think of anything to say to others, tried to make small talk with a secretary and she went on and on about her future wedding and all the crazies in husbands family, and everything else I didn't need to know..Empty, I am struggling to stay awake, its been raining all day and baby kept me up at night as usual..baby, my sweet little girl, can't believe its been 7 months already, can't believe all the changes..I'm exhausted, and elated, and lonely and puzzled by life seemingly happening around while I'm buzy with mindless chores. The anxiety is unbelievable, its always there from the moment I get up till well past midnight when I lay awake in bed, tired and resentfull, not knowing exactly what is wrong yet unable to quiet my racing mind..