HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL !!!

this girl's going places :)..

fragments..I once dreamt of an attick just like that. so did a man behind this camera..

small comforts

With all the ass-kicking bad luck I'm having lately..here's a few things that made me feel ok..somewhat..
1. Reclaiming my space, throwing out bags and bags of crap out of all the closets, a complete de-cluttering of my home. Out with the old, in with the new, I'm done with dark ages. Let there be light, lots of it. I'm surrounded with white and it feels good.
2. Digging up a box of old letters and pics from my trips. Never fails.
3. Getting cable after not watching any TV for 2 years.
4. Watching Martha bake a perfect chocolate cake. Pure therapy. She scares the shit out of me, though..
5. Getting a tan (better yet, a free tan)
6. My daughter waking me up in the morning with kisses and hugs and falling asleep at night in my arms, happy. "Mama tut". Although its less precious at 1am..and 3am..and 6am..
7. A team of construction workers trumpling over each other to get me a gallon of milk in Dominicks at 1am. Very entertaining.
8. Having a wet dream about the same team later..
9. Having dreams
10. Repotting a ficus tree in miracle grow and watching it double in size in a week --$12. Sticking a green rubber behemoth Veronika dreads in the pot to keep her from digging in, and watching her try to sneak up behind him -- priceless.

That's more like it !!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89oS4SN4mNg

Merry Christmas

Things I've done in the last 5 days, in no order

Made huge messy bubbles with Boo. Played. Played some more. Opened a few gifts early. Baked like a maniac. I cook and clean when really stressed and can't have a drink..I made chocolate chip cookies, pumpkin-cranberry-raisin cookies, lemon bars..and contemplating sugar cookies tomorrow..I cleaned the place top to bottom. Had playdates for Boo. None for me. Got cable. BTW that was no cable guy, that was cable GOD. Tall, dark, handsome, smoking hot. Boo made eyes at him..ok, we both did. Thank you, Santa :)))) Someone, please remind me that my life's a wreck !

what do you think when you see this bridge ?..

Nick and Nika

This is Nika's boyfriend Nick from across the hall (!!!). The sweetest cutest kid. He came over today..They were playing house, she totally bossed him around and there was a heated bilingual discussion on whether its ok to knock down the cube tower. It wasn't, as he soon realized :))) By the end of the hour they were HOLDING HANDS (!!!) He said "lets go" and off they went to HIS PLACE, while me and his mom were bent over in laughter..Later on she dug out a pair of pink shades and wouldn't take'em off for anything. I don't like Nabokov anymore :))) I'm SOOOOO not ready for this :)

mom's up to no good. I don't care its been 2 hours, I'm NOT giving up the hat :))) Ahoy !! Oy..

"To you I'm an atheist, to God I'm the loyal opposition"

Next to see on the list of all time favorites.."Stardust Memories"

X-mas tree fun, she tries to wear most ornaments :)

relax....I did :)

anyone else misses these guys ?..I do :)

The only show I'd stay home to watch, way back when I watched TV :) Now I don't even have it hooked up much less having cable or tivo. Its all kiddie dvd's and netflix these days..and I just cancelled the netflix (budget)I still get my news online and listening to NPR in my car..but no TV. Funny thing -- its been 2 years, and I can no longer imagine just doing that, JUST watching TV. I guess the voices in my head keep me entertained enough :)

The Churches of SPB, great site, great tour.

http://www.enlight.ru/camera/churches1/index_e.html

http://www.enlight.ru/camera/churches2/index_e.html

St. Vladimir's cathedral

Home to St.Ksenia's icon, the guardian saint of SPB. I'd often stop by there on the way from college to light a candle. Its a beautiful church.

Today was a blur..and its only the beginning of the end..I am suddenly calm and assertive and in control (I rarely am..)..I'm ready for anything and blessed by the closest of friends..and a few kind strangers. I guess I am lucky, after all :)

Griffons

What you can't see is that this last guy's pinky toe is painted red :)

pale makeup-less monster coming at ya..BOO !

Behind the white out is my stepson, who is the most adorable 10 year old in the world. Unfortunately his dad has asked me not to post his pics..

:)))

Boo, pointing at my lap top today-- "Google, mama !"

YES !!!

Johnny Cash, lyrics by 9 inch nails. Love it..

Smolny, another view.

"And all I gotta do is..act naturally.."

Stopped by Borders the other day..Boy..The amount of sheer crap that gets published these days is mind boggling..Every coffee-shop bred mediocrity has a book out, it seems. Midlife crisis galore -- from memoirs to poetry, talent optional.. you've got nothing to say ?..write a book about it ! Novels by pounds, buy one- get one free with your latte..How sad, really. Save the rain forest, people, keep it to your blogs :))))

Smolny Cathedral

Closure is a wonderful thing. I let friends get away with murder, but this isn't a friend, apparently. No, there won't be any psycho-babble to elaborate on. My dignity is off limits. No more of this toxic waste. Case closed.

Hysterical, need sound

The day I see Bollywood do Hava Nagila would be..well, never. Brit should move there, she'd be huge :)

I will always remember this day as THE day I HIRED A NANNY. At last, I bet adieu to half my pay check and say hello to hopefully some sleep at night and some help at home. Yes, she's moving in (in 3 weeks)! No, I won't have any money left between her and the mortgage, but I think my daughter deserves a sane, stable parent and not the brittle psychopath I've become over the last two years. I just need a little help..It'll still be me putting her to bed every night but I'll let the professional handle the rest ( namely -- waking up every couple hours..) AND I can cook and clean while she takes her for walks/plays, or visa versa..and maybe even take a long shower uninterrupted (gasp). She's sweet, great references, AND a pediatric nurse. Wish me luck.

once again, I'm a misfit :)))

From NWO's wonderfully refreshing post, a quote:

"There are a thousand reasons that people are out here [in the forest picking mushrooms]. But mushroom pickers are all misfits in one way or another. That's one of the wonderful things about this industry: It gives the misfits something to do."

I'm AN AVID MUSHROOM PICKER.

Why, its nation's favorite past time, second only to drinking and fishing and now I know why :))) I loved it since I was 5. Its a skill, like hunting, you really have to know what to look for, and why, and when. And its therapy. Its incredibly soothing to just be that close to earth, getting your hands dirty, just being out there in the forest, listening to it, touching it..its so simple- its beautiful. The poor hopelessly screwed up soul that wrote that passage has no idea what they've missed out on. Let'em go out there and buy their dream machines with sounds of bubbling brooks and crap, it leaves more forests and mushrooms for us misfits :) Too bad there aren't any real mushroom forests here..

To NWO, too long for comment..aren't you sorry you asked ? :))

History, literature, paranormal climate (dark days- lite nites..)years of deliberate defiance of all common sense..It was forced upon the rest of Russia, built by a maniac on wetland not fit to sustain life, millions died creating his vision, millions more died later under siege, repressions, epidemics, just severe hypochondria :). Its soaked with death and depression and is utterly unnatural yet so breathtakingly beautiful and fragile, almost translucent, it appears to be floating through time, frozen..Imagine Amsterdam and Venice and Paris in one, now take that and stick it in friggin Siberia, throw in some toxic marshes..and stage a history's biggest bloodiest revolt followed by a century of godlessness and red terror. Cook on low for 200 years of not fitting in and barely surviving the winters, the floods, the crime and the punishment..(how about cannibalism during 900 day siege ?..) the post-war poverty and destruction..That's a recipe for disaster. It wasn't meant to make it. How did it ?..Some say God, most say Satan..Hence the damned city. It doesn't feel real, yet it is..it mystifies and creates most powerful illusions..of timelessness..you stay there long enough and eventually you feel detached..this overwhelming doom and doubt set in out of nowhere, out of the damn fog..the kind of mild anxiety that is habit forming, a state of mind. You become a shadow of the greatness (darkness ?)that is the City, fall hopelessly in love -- and it never loves you back quite enough..so you're never satisfied..Show me a satisfied happy looking Russian in SPB -- he's here on business for the weekend :) Oh, hell, we're all mutants there..Read some Dostoevsky -- he's SPB personified, it'll all make sense. Or just get yourself locked overnight in Louvre -- awesome ? YEAH !!! Spooky ? -- you bet :)

Fire..
Fire within these walls,
Burning for ages,
Till the last soul is lost..
Up in flames with no warning..
insane..yet saintly and sober
and in mourning
by morning.
And the sun turning black,
black as onyx,
since way back when,
always..

Goble goble

OK. So its me and Nina, two die-hard bloggers online on Thanksgiving eve. Everyone else is in Tofurkey-induced coma :) Yes, the jello was fantastic. Everything else was crap and shame on administration for not giving us a good dinner. Our own potluck was great though. I feel WIRED. Major sugar high. Just keep going and going and going...Though of another comfort phrase: Non-stop champagne flights. Its the weather..dreadful here now..I am so not ready for this winter...

SPB snapshots, click !

Batty

Batman's SPB flat :)

Is this the coolest window or what ?..:)

Once again, I am just amazed at how sick and tired I can get and still go on. I feel my body just screaming for rest while there isn't any in sight. Forget the defunct marriage, high-stress job and a kid who gags till she's out cold if you say no to anything.. forget not being able to cook, eat, drink, sleep and pee in peace as long as I'm home cause little mini me is hanging on my leg 24/7 and I'm the only one home. I still do it all. I AM Superwoman. A very angry, frustrated and exhausted one. And I swear to God I will hunt down and kill anyone who tells me THIS is the way modern motherhood is meant to be. No fucking way.

Sweet dreams..for sleep is but a dream

http://www.multer.ru/kino.php?id=18

Tavrichesky Garden and Palace

SPB is a city of many beautiful gardens, big and small..This one is MINE. Practically lived there growing up. I close my eyes on any given day and walk myself through every little corner and RELAX, if only for a moment.
Click on title to take a walk..

Summer Garden, early Fall..

title clickable..

random city angel

scared shitless

Boo's sick with cold, super cranky..I tried some new cold med the doc suggested -- did the opposite, she just got crazier, screaming, having a fit..I tried to take something from her (a lotion too easy to spill) and she got into a crying spell and PASSED OUT, in my hands, eyes rolled back, limp, for a few seconds. I gave her a breath and she came back, crying and pooping at once..I have NEVER been so scared in my life. I need a tranquilizer..

Nika, aka Boo

Ms. Mamma, help !!!

I'm sure you've been there with SF. I seem to be STUCK there. Boo will only drink milk from a bottle and only at night. She rarely falls asleep without the bottle and won't take milk in a cup during the day. If I just take something away she cries til she pukes and if she does that a lot she gets ear infections..HOW can I get rid of the bottle for good ????

Hair

Yes, it only took me 20 years but I finally figured out MY HAIR. And turns out it wasn't bad at all, it just needed some tlc. I never thought I'd say that, but I LOVE my hair now, cut, color, the works. And I'd never EVER brag about my hair, my ass -- maybe, but never my hair..

SPB, all washed with rain and ever so beautiful

click on title for more

Is this men's answer to "I will survive" or what ?..:))) Maroon 5.

I didn’t hear what you were saying.
I live on raw emotion baby
I answer questions never maybe
And I’m not kind if you betray me.
So who the hell are you to say we
Never would have made it babe.

If you needed love
Well then ask for love
Could have given love
Now I’m taking love
And it’s not my fault
Cause you both deserve
What is coming now
So don’t say a word

Wake up call
Caught you in the morning with another one in my bed
Don’t you care about me anymore?
Don’t you care about me? I don’t think so.
Six foot tall
Came without a warning so I had to shoot him dead
He won’t come around here anymore
Come around here? I don’t think so.

time. layers

century old news beneath the wallpaper. love it.