summer eye candy
(posted by NWObserver)

While pondering the subject of why I still can't pace myself and wind up completely exhausted each and every night since I had a baby, it occured to me that as much as the obvious is to blame (little sleep, lots of chores..), thats secondary to what I all but lost post baby -- ability to live in the moment, to "stop and smell the roses". Me, a perpetual procrastinator, used to lounging with a book for hours and long walks for the sake of walking, with barely a sense of time when I'm not punching the clock..suddenly finding myself in a craze of multitasking, planning my life to death and thinking 10 steps ahead of "here and now". I realized it yesterday during a rare opportunity to go for a dip in the pool while someone watched the baby..it was rather chilly but the water was almost too warm, creating a steamy fog over the surface..it had just rained not long ago and the air smelled of the earth and grass and all those summer night smells I haven't noticed in a while. I was alone, swimming, splashing, floating..aware of every inch of my body -- agile, weightless, REAL. It felt so amazingly good-I burst out laughing. I was a whole person again, being entirely in the present, SEENG my hands glide through the water and thinking it at the same time, not contemplating yet another to-do list till my brain's fried..Later, I got busy at home and between that and baby's waking up at night I have lost this wonderful feeling. But at least now I know what I'm missing. Apparently, control is the opposite of happiness..

huhtamyak

Valaam

http://www.enlight.ru/camera/az/index.html
I went there 17 years ago, secretly, with my boyfriend..my parents too have gone there when they were dating..I remember it at dusk, torn pink sky over black stones, tall trees shading the monastery walls..It was magestic, serene, sobering..The most beautiful landscape I've ever seen, yet so simple. Valaam, the monk island.

To live simply is the ultimate luxury, it seems...my own life's cluttered with duties and relationships and co-dependancies that are both blessings and burdens. And as trivial as my "mental refuge" place is -- a place of eternal summer, with long siestas spent in a hammock reading or daydreaming, dips in the sea first thing in the morning, bare feet, the smell of a sun-drenched deck, etc.., I know I will never settle there for long, except maybe for a rare and short vacation..and maybe that's best. I do find the sea and the solitude increadibly healing though..the energy I get from it is second to none, it clears the head, calms the mood, makes me feel beautiful, like a Mighty Aphroditie that I am :))

what a nice getaway that would make for a few weeks..ahh..

Went to see "the Break up" hoping for a no brainer chick flick to zoom out for an hour..that it was, allright, but its shot around my favorite places in Chicago, where I just don't go now that we've moved -- too long a drive, too cumbersome with a baby..stupid small shit that always presents itself whenever I feel like going. Anyway, the plot was unpleasantly reminiscent of my own "break up" and it made me miss the city so much, the lake and my old place, but not my ex, thank god..and not my old self either, although in this case, ignorance trully was a bliss, nothing like city living and lack of responsibilities to keep you feeling 20 for a decade. City keeps you young. And selfish, and often lonely..but hardly bored..there's something about this kind of "solitude in the crowd" when you're alone yet very much "in tune" with the flow of people and cars and street life, all this ceaseless movement that is life and energy itself. There's often an illusion of meaning where there's none, the fast pace is deceiving but addictive nonetheless..I am very aware of my age now and pleasantly so, I must say, as burnt out as I am, I'm more content and sure of myself now then ever. I'm a women of 34 and teenagers start to annoy me :) There, I've said it :)) Babies and kids, on the other hand, make me happy. Must be old age :)

my beloved foot sometime ago..and i just managed to bang a little toe on the playpen's metal foot..and quite possibly broke it. what a day. ouch