Cartie-Bresson

I haven't enjoyed an art exhibit so much in a long time. Behold the Master, timeless, classic. You got to really love life to capture so much of it in one shot. Now THIS was a life worth living, amazing people, places, moments..And no photoshop, no trickery, nothing staged. Very powerful. Very real. Loved it !!

despare

I need a timeout..

time's gone mad again

no air to breathe

no peace

I dream of silence as if it is a taboo

What has become of my world ?

It is reduced to a dark

dusty closet..

this is not my life.

will it ever be ?..

I'm drunk as can be and there are two hamsters fucking in front of me..DT ??

Places

I have been there on my trip to Curacao. Its the oldest temple on the islands. Sand-covered floors, cool and breezy in mid-day Caribbean heat. It stole my heart. I felt such peace within these walls I never wanted to leave..Maybe its the whole out-of-place vibe of an old synagogue in a middle of a catholic tropical island that I was so drawn to. I just love misfits of all sorts -- people,  dwellings..The randomness of beauty and its utter disregard for time and place.

Carroll-ish, in SF

Istanbul

I have a friend there..I wish I could just descend in any random place and spend a day..just point at a map and go. Have lunch with her in Istanbul. Then off to Buenos Aires for a siesta. Then go feed pigeons in Verona..maybe sit on a roof watching sunset over Madrid. See trains deport from Lisbon. Home is where you are.

Hallmark moment

Weekend

1 Friday night:

-You know you're really really tired when you fall asleep during a brow WAX..in a totally Korean salon named "Shalom".

-Make up sex can be worth the most viscious fight the night before. Therefore, even if your life seems to be over at the moment, stay well groomed just in case.

2. Saturday night:

-Double Door. Arbenina. 100 %. Cuts to the bone, raw, not a shot missed. A sniper indeed. Felt awoken in a hot sweaty crowd, in black light, words of love pounded into my racing mind, slowly melted in my man's arms. I'm good for a few years now, I can live off of that.

-Traditionally, bumped into 2nd ex-husband. Last encounter - vacation in Cancun, prior to that - Zemfira. Traditionally, turned our backs to each other. Traditionally had to subdue my BF to not beat his ass up for no good reason. Left early just in case..

3. Sunday night:

-nada. a day in bed. pure bliss.

ohh....

Seeing dead people, getting worse..

My ever so rare outings to the city these days are getting bizarre..having lived here for 20 years I've just discovered an underground city downtown..a ped way linking hotels and upscale highrises, stores, restaurants, businesses. It blew my mind ! Not so much a mere fact of its existence but its surreal emptiness underneath all the heat and hustle and bustle, there was no one there..Vast, empty spaces, dark and cool..the entry way strait out of "Stalker" followed by what looked like an abandoned Hotel California..or Titanic, complete with dusty grand foyer and an open bar, no people in sight.
When I finally got out of there I was passed by a creature so eery I was afraid to photograph it..Mind you, it was 100 degrees outside, scorching, blinding city sun and there she was, a young woman all dressed in black, coat, boots, and a top hat, brim covering eyes so one could only see her smile, ear to ear, this dead frozen grin..she walked back and forth, aimlessly, not a muscle twitching in her face, a doll face..Then there was a bunch of butt-naked gay men all looking like the Village People, spilling out of some dungeon..They were delightful and the girl disappeared somewhere in tunnels, to my great relief.


All night I felt her presence though, and not just hers. Some day this will probably be me, a lost ghost with some unfinished business wandering city streets..no peace..judging by this random-fired shot on the go, it will look like this..

Majestic Star, weekend, part one

1. Gary, Indiana is a sad, sad place. Drab, polluted, washed-out stinky hole of a waste land. Depressing.
2. Local casino turned out to be a time capsule of American blue-collar mid-west circa my first years here..the food , the hair, the denim..oh my. Reminded me of a bargain chain "Venture", even smelled like it, of plastic and vending machines..appropriately so, I must admit..a musty old ash-tray with glitter on top..
3. You know God is trying to stop you from going to a Casino when you get lost 3 times -- in gridlock, when GPS insists you go over a bridge thats been up in the air forever to let some endless gargo through..you then  hit a dead end with detour that takes you to projects where a big fat BLACK cat SLOWLY crosses the road as you break at the stop sign..In case you missed the first 10 cues..just so its clear.
4. You know you are in hell when you finally get there and your mother-in-law grabs you by the hand, sits your ass next to her at a penny slot machine and for an hour goes "here, darling, you push this button, when I tell ya.." And you're sober. On an upside, I have beeng promoted to a saint by her son..the things we do for love..
5. Lake Shore Drive on the way back never looked so good..

The Lake

Cats

comfort

Mid-day

Ran out of the office mid-day to get some air/run errands..Evanston brings the best in me in the worst way -- I loose track of time, sense of purpose, of present..I literally get lost. Maybe cause I only find myself in Evanston when I'm in love or in trouble, and I can't stand myself any other way..I went into Gap (granted, I'm the only person to have Gap-related sentiments) and suddenly acutely missed Him. For the first time since we split. It wasn't a regret of any kind, we're both happier where we are, it wasn't at all about happiness. This rugged softness and cleanliness and subtle scents of summer, linen, worn denim were all His. So I stood there for a while, alone, embracing this untimely, belated, begone memory. I didn't know why, why now, where this is taking me but I stopped on my tracks to think of him and breathe that familiar air of us together, in love, in this very Gap, ages ago. I even took a mens jean jacket and tried it on over nothing but a necklace remembering how I loved to wear his clothes. Then I hung it back up and marched right out, past the Bookman's alley, past the coffee shop..back to work.

Veronichka

detstvo

Easter

door

pose