I'm slipping into this semi-comatose blah again..career plans on hold till daycare plans take shape..Disappointments abound. I'm mildly annoyed with most everyone in my life now, its heartbreaking to come to terms with not having any real friends..time and distance took away the ones I had, the others -- oh, who knows why..Now the better I do, the louder the silence, I've surrounded myself with people that can't help but watch, only they're watching to see me fall..And fall I will, my senses are shut, I can't tell who's who anymore and I don't trust newcomers..I'm tired of users, losers, I refuse to form meaningless relationships just because, this is garbage..One sick fuck in your life and its a downward spiral for years. Its not HIS fault, its mine, for needing sick fucks in the first place, and then for letting them define me, I am selfless indeed, I shall morph into something of substance for once, but that scares me..definition is death, no, no principles here, I want to escape instead, I would drink this anxiety away if I could..I feel so empty I could float away to my very own neverland just..about..now. I think I will. Plenty of pictures for me to hide in, in my perfect ghost town, in my perfect world.