Wanted

Saw "Wanted". What a load of crap. But Angelina is just too beautiful..and that dragon on her back..fake, but impresssive :)

Hell, where's my riding boots and my smoking gun ?? :)))

Patient of mine said I looked like one of these chicks.Well, I know I'm not Farah :)))..

Blurred

I've been living up fantasies by the dozens lately. Dark ones, sweet/silly ones, all kinds..Its intoxicating. I'm seeing patients this morning, white lab coat on, quiet, gentle, calm..my lower back slightly burning from a brand new sprawling tattoo :)..it was just the way I always wanted it, plus a Johny Cash soundtrack as a final touch to what I had in mind, and a man I'm completely crazy about kissing me all the way through pain...That's one.
Fantasy #2: "Pretty woman", shopping spree, part 2. Loved it :)))
The rest are not for print :)

Just too cute, I'm sure I'm the last one to see it

Tarantino's Last Supper

Nika's first art project !!! Behold the psychedelic Frog

up and running

I'm back to life and feel like a manic hamster on a treadmill -- I'm always running off someplace now dragging boo with me..she's got a lot to say about that, my little chatter box :)..Leave it up to me to try a little change..a new love, new house, new car, new job, new hair. I haven't blogged in ages..I was too busy having the best sex of my life -- who needs sleep anymore :)..I have all this energy, more than I can handle..I'm loving this buzz !!!!!!

R.I.P., my favorite atheist..

Nika

in retrospective

напиши мне письмо,
я умею хранить только письма
я люблю слова
я слишком люблю слова..
послесловия, эпитафии,
и лирические отступления
и немного о главном
между строк и не в срок
но все таки..
я построю дом
из слов и снов
и зажгу в нем свет
стану ждать тебя в нем
день за днем..
но в конце концов
мой дом превратится в дым,
так было всегда,
я уйду от себя с другим,
и только потом,
из пепла и нескольких строк
я опять соберу одно..
напиши мне письмо,
и мы будем жить вечно.

I'm in love

March, SPB

There I go again..from bits and pieces.. from random shots and torn conversations and God knows what else that makes me think of you over and over..you appear as if you always were, with your reflections in black and white and a touch of blood oh so blue.. What to make of it but trouble..Trouble in your trembling voice, in a way you see right through me..I want to hide from you..and find you everywhere. I should have met you in Paris. I have a feeling you'd be all wrong for me and I'd love it..and that's what I need least, isn't it ?..always the case.

Lisbon tram

.

my space, work in progress

one can never have enough brownies, these are prune-filled, btw, not chocolate :)

my little snow bunny

Pieces of me

R.I.P.

Besides being a nurse (and I never saw that coming) I guess I'd make a pretty good..

..fitness instructor
..runway model (up to 5 years ago when nothing jiggled)
..dietician (I know my food well and know how to eat strategically :))
..restaurant critic
..columnist a la Carrie
..stuardess :)

anticipating Spring

random

No time for blogging..not much desire either..For once I'm socializing more, its refreshing :) I absolutely love crowds. Need them. Even if its a Saturday afternoon at a jam-packed Ikea :) Fuck the solitude. Had enough for years to come. That's why I so desperately miss the big city, its energy-- it sustained me. Oh, well, maybe when I retire...My place is covered with prints of SPB in all its gory glory, its quite dramatic..I keep renovating, re-inventing, re-defining my life. Veronika is amazing, I don't know what I did to deserve her. A 2 year old has a perfectly clear understanding of love, a 30 year old has no clue..

Morning

SPB, frozen, night shots..magic

Daddy's girl, loves to doodle :)

Misc..

Life has been happening to the max even in the dead of winter..I've got some of it back on track and the rest is up in the air and its ok. I'm blogging a lot less and working a lot more..but I do have fun :) Went to a rock concert a few days back, a russian band circa my college years..One of my all time faves..I HAD A BLAST. The concert hall was jam packed with russians of all ages and I mean ALL ages. Few fights broke out, as usual :) I LOVED the band, the crowd, the booze and the buzz..I met my ex at this very place..I just loved being there..loved what I was wearing (ridiculously pricey and flattering COH jeans..) and the looks I was getting..god, I missed this :) I danced my head off, in 4 inch heels, mind you..I was drenched. But I don't do this every day, so there :) PS I absolutely refuse to age gracefully. I refuse to age at all :) My vanity will keep me young forever :))) My home is almost all re-done, we're doing great with Boo on all fronts, my work is an absolute nightmare, my life is just beginning yet again..

I'll be back..thanks for staying tuned :)..

Dialogie

Him (bipolar schizophrenic dt-ing on ETOH and crack), wearing smoky shades in a dark room..
--I'm 3 tmes divorced, I have problems..
Me, close to the door, ativan suringe at hand..
--REALLY ?..ME TOO :)))
--I have problems..I drank for a week and..and..I have nightmares
--Aga..
--I hear voices telling me to kill all the bad people.
--Am I one of the bad people ?..
--No, You'll help me.
--Hmm..

Blah

As always when life gets too real I get a strong aversion to blogging..I'm beyond tired..worked 2 12-hr shifts in a row..crazy busy all weekend long..had to get groceries..came home to a flooded bathroom and a blue-in-the-face babysitter who jumped out the door BAREFOOT. Long night ahead with screams for milk and kicks in the groin. A phrase stuck in my head from earlier at work -- "your patient's asking for a silver bullet". I reply "ok, coming up" and go on doing 10 things at a time. WTF ???..:)))

Alma Mater.

SPB Engineering Academy

Belated..

Nutrix picks in real life :)))

Nutrix' Wish List..yeah, very original :)))

pretty pink robe..one cute little piglet, just showered

Odds and ends..

-Compliment from guy at work: "NO OFFENCE, but you're a beautiful girl..."
-The most surreal feeling -- driving in a murky blizzard in a death of Midwestern winter with Caribbean reggae on full blast.
-A 400 lbs psychotic patient with explosive diarrhea that just ripped out all his lines and is headed for the elevator, whaling and leaving a trail of blood and poop behind him..and little old me trying to dart his bloody ass with an elephant dose of Haldol..
-A teeny tiny Club Monaco skirt that is a perfect fit after all the crap I've been eating these holidays -- a nice surprise, now if I could only get my ass in it and to a nice party for once, maybe there'd be more nice surprises in store..maybe not..In any case, I should work less and get out more..
-My kid does yoga, and no one thought her
-I had the most mindblowing hot dream about an old flame..Again, I should get out more..:)))

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL !!!

this girl's going places :)..

fragments..I once dreamt of an attick just like that. so did a man behind this camera..

small comforts

With all the ass-kicking bad luck I'm having lately..here's a few things that made me feel ok..somewhat..
1. Reclaiming my space, throwing out bags and bags of crap out of all the closets, a complete de-cluttering of my home. Out with the old, in with the new, I'm done with dark ages. Let there be light, lots of it. I'm surrounded with white and it feels good.
2. Digging up a box of old letters and pics from my trips. Never fails.
3. Getting cable after not watching any TV for 2 years.
4. Watching Martha bake a perfect chocolate cake. Pure therapy. She scares the shit out of me, though..
5. Getting a tan (better yet, a free tan)
6. My daughter waking me up in the morning with kisses and hugs and falling asleep at night in my arms, happy. "Mama tut". Although its less precious at 1am..and 3am..and 6am..
7. A team of construction workers trumpling over each other to get me a gallon of milk in Dominicks at 1am. Very entertaining.
8. Having a wet dream about the same team later..
9. Having dreams
10. Repotting a ficus tree in miracle grow and watching it double in size in a week --$12. Sticking a green rubber behemoth Veronika dreads in the pot to keep her from digging in, and watching her try to sneak up behind him -- priceless.

That's more like it !!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89oS4SN4mNg

Merry Christmas