Saturday, March 10, 2007

There's this huge chunk of life I store in my "saved" file..one hell of an affair to remember. Its just there along with all kinds of odds and ends -- I was writing "posts" before I knew there where blogs :)..I guess I will start putting them out here, where they really belong.
This was lived and written on this very day 3 years ago..

"I am spellbound. An unexpected glimpse into the world of beautiful visions and profound thoughts.. you exploded in my mind in a myriad of gilded shards and I am bleeding now, humble and quiet before you. I am taken over by our fleeting moments together and sheer poetry of our letters. I am free-falling.. "

and then 6 months later..
"the sketches...wish I could rewind back to a quiet afternoon when I first set in front of you.. and there was music and light and peace.. with your eyes on me, darkest and deepest I ever saw, I never wanted it to end...For the first time ever I felt complete.. then I took a big chunk of my life and blew it up to pieces. Watched it die.. and something in me died with it, and something else came back to life.. but through all this I remain spellbound ... "
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4 comments:

nina said...

Wow. Sounds like euphoria, I know that imaginary world. I am totally projecting here, but I have mistakenly allowed a man to "complete me" in the past too. Maybe I am reading this wrong, and I hate the bullshit psychology that acts as if mankind is a solitary creature and can be happy by themselves, you know we can be our own best friends bullshit BUT I do know there's a problem when we believe we cannot be without another.

I love and crave companionship, but I am trying to only accept and allow others around me who are there/here for me. I had an ex-boyfriend (actually two I can think of) who "blew my mind" I was so fortunate, you know they were with me. Well, in retrospect one was just a drug addict/writer and the other liked ME as the trophy "young thang." Hindsight is 20/20.

Hang in there babe, you have a lot offer and you are a gift yourself.

11:16 AM
Nutrix said...

"..I do know there's a problem when we believe we cannot be without another." Yep. Its called love :) and it is usually a problem :) Ours (I'm only printing my letters here but this was a very mutual obsession, his, and then, later, mine..) resulted in 2 bitter divorces, a new marriage, major relocation, one custody battle, one job change, one major drop in a socioeconomic status and one baby born a year later..
But there was love :)
When I'm not in love I AM my best friend, never needed much company. But when I am -- I give it my all and don't look back. I lived all my fantasies (generally not a good idea..) and I'm thrilled that I did, scars and all. Thanks for sharing and support -- I guess I somehow came across as desperate -- I'm not :)..but thanks anyway. My best friend used to talk me up like that, I miss her terribly..

6:28 PM
nina said...

I didn't think desperate, just looking for something that I didn't think existed...wow, you had someone writing to that way to you and making you feel that way? I need to stop reading, my relationships have not gone that way. Remember I said I was projecting! I think that's it, I have hard time understanding something I have not experienced, makes me sad actually.

6:54 PM
Nutrix said...

Its quite allright :)
I, on the other hand, never swam naked..you really inspired me there, but we share a pool with a whole block. think this kinda stuff will get me evicted ?..
PS Glad o see the blog is back..but.. "where's the beef ???"

7:32 PM

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